I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
