I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
