Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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