What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
you told grandpa to call you daddy
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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