I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize