We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
