Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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