my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Randomize
