I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize