i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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