Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
