I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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