I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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