so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize