I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
