my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
