I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize