I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I feel like death gave me a hand job
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
