The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
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