Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
