she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I wish there were birth control emojis
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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