You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
