you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
