1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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