Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
