It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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