Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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