eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
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