Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Someone came in the potted fern
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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