I met the friendliest cop last night
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
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