the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
