So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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