I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
my phone needs a breathalizer
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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