so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
