Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Randomize
