bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
