This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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