I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
