i permit you to call me
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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