why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
