big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
