drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
