Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
