I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You ate ashes out of my bong
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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