you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
