apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
