This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize