Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
