Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
