Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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