Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
