When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
