Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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