His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
