I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
