How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
