we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize