Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
