I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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