i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
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