shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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