I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Randomize
