If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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