i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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