What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize