I cannot find my penis.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
