2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize