Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
