That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
