Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
