i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
