Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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