i already hear my dad disowning me
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
