when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
