gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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