Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
porn star boner night. come get it.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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