from now on my penis is your penis
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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