Barsexuality is the new black.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
