Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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