here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
it was like eating out sand paper
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
