how can u be prego again
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
