i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
