I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Porn is love you can see.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
