Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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