i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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