I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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