Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm gonna fight the coyote
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
