You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
