My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize