dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
