IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
