just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
