just come out here and I will go home with you...
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
You're like the curious george of whores
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
