We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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