so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize