it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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