I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Randomize
