new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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