the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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