So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize