i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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