I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize