I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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