hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
