did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
