You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
