this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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