just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
