I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
