My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
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