screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
